So much better when it's just running for how you feel

The last week or two I've kind of lost caring about keeping things a certain pace.  Ok, I take that back, I have incorporated 1 speedwork day a week where I try to keep below a 9 minute pace for at least 2 miles.  Other than that, the last few weeks I've been winging it to some extent.

A few days ago I didn't look at my watch, just ran by how I felt.  I felt like going a little faster that day, but was surprised when I looked at the pace and saw that my first mile was 9:49 followed by 9:06 and 9:03.  I would have guessed the whole thing was closer to 9:30-9:45 the whole time.  It was one of those effortless runs where I just let it go and didn't really care too much.  If only I could have that kind of attitude when it "matters".

Then again today was having some watch and pacing issues. Was planning on starting at 10:00 and then getting gradually faster.  It didn't really work out that way.  The day ended up a little bit warmer and it was the first day I wore a tank top and shorts (and needed sunscreen). Started out faster than planned.  Watch stopped twice on my run... the first iteration was just over a half mile, followed by 2 (watch restarted) runs that were around 5.5 miles each.  I ended up with 11.67 miles when I added up all three of these segments.  Looking back at my pace, I can see the slowing down reflected in the paces toward the middle miles.  I did speed up at the end with my final mile being 9:36 so in some ways I achieved my goal.  But actually the best part was that I really didn't care.

This was my final really "long" run before a half marathon that at this point I don't actually care about having a goal for completion time.  It needs to be a fun run because that's actually what I need at this time.  The fun part about today was it was a group run for my running group and there weren't many of us there but I ran into a lot of MIT people (Marathoner in Training) and was encouraged by that.  Also a friend of mine who pushed her two children in a stroller while managing a pace far faster than I could ever do.  She really amazes me.

During the middle of the run, there was a lake that I've always just run by but never around.  i looked at the marker which said it was 1.2 miles around.  I decided to go ahead and do it and worked it into my overall mileage.  Ended up really enjoying it and now I won't just skip by the lake the next time, I might do that again.

Still working on my goal... but maybe time to focus on different things

Ran a half marathon Saturday that I was hoping would be "the one" where I got the desired pace for an overall below 2 hour time.  I started out faster than I thought.  I should have taken that as a hint to slow down, but I didn't.  When I look at my Garmin tracking, the first three miles I average 8:57 but the first mile was 8:42.  This was not what I should have done at all.  In fact, it was the opposite.  But I couldn't stop myself.  Still trying to figure out why.

Midway through the race I was not able to continue that pace (big shocker).  I slowed down to a 9:20 for a good portion.  If I had been able to bounce back to 9:10 I could have had it.  But there were a number of factors that intervened around mile 6-7.  The first was my stomach started to feel weird and that persisted for a bit longer that I would have liked, causing me to panic a little and head down the path of negative thinking (which I'm sure didn't improve things).  The other was I still was struggling with breathing due to having a head cold from March 25th (noticed it during the 6 mile taper run) and really that whole week leading up to the race.  So I probably wasn't drinking enough water and taking mucinex and sudafed doesn't really help your body hydrate.  I kept seeing others go past me who I was comfortably in front of for the first 6 miles.  That's when you know it's just not going to happen. 

I guess this just wasn't my day.  I did somehow PR by 50 seconds when I compare my Pittsburgh time (which was close to 2:07 and this run which was a 2:06ish).  So even though I finished feeling let down, I had a minor PR of sorts.  Then we get into Garmin PR vs course PR.  Garmin PR of course looks at the actual point where you hit 13.1, even if you crossed the "official" finish line after that point.  Oddly, my best Garmin half was my first half back in 2015.  I had somehow evenly paced myself the entire race because I had no goal except finishing.  Interesting point there... When I have no goal and just run, somehow I do better.  I need to take this logic with me to my next half.  Maybe I can just get better on my own, by gradually running more halfs at a more consistent (but faster) pace.

I keep thinking back to the 15k a few weeks ago.  I keep thinking I should have just run another 4 miles that day, and maybe would have had the desired half time, even though it wasn't a "real"course half.  Because a 9:08 pace is pretty awesome and I kept that for 9.5 miles.  But just not when it counted as a real half.  Just a Garmin half.  But that's better than nothing, right... IDK

I keep thinking of that Tom Petty song with the lyrics "Some days are diamonds... some days are rocks... some doors are open... some roads are blocked"... The road was blocked for my goal on that particular day.  But maybe not on another day, if all conditions are right.  All conditions need to be right to get a diamond, correct?  Or maybe I'm just overthinking things (imagine that).

I had a wonderful moment during my half on Saturday.  One of my dear running friends told me she was going to meet me at mile 8 because it was an open running trail (no rules about not entering the course) and take me to the finish.  At first I protested because I don't want to be the center of attention or anyone make a special effort for me. She said she didn't care if I was quiet, she just wanted to be there for me.  I'm one of those who feels guilty if I'm not talking to my running buddy.  But she's pretty awesome and doesn't care about that.  She has the same goal as I do, and I feel she will achieve it because she's been working so hard.  That certainly made the race more bearable at the end and I'll never forget her caring enough to show up for me.  I think when you train for a marathon/half marathon with someone, that sticks with you.  I'll always have a special place in my heart for my training buddies. There are not many people that will show up at 6 am on a cold day to run 15-20 miles!

There are so many of us with this goal of a sub 2 half.  After this attempt, I'm making my next half not about a goal.  I think it's just too hard to have this always in the back of my mind.  At some points when I'm running that fast, I think "why"? But that doesn't mean I still don't want it (because I do). I'm still going to keep trying achieve this goal (hopefully before I turn 40 in just over 2 years).  I keep remembering "Nevertheless, she persisted."  But, in the meantime, I need to get back to the joy and camaraderie of running.  That's the whole reason I enjoy running in the first place.