My own thoughts about having to keep moving the goal post

I've been thinking about the extremes that we go through in running.

I'm was having a conversation with some friends trying to figure out "what is really crazy, what is too much?" and couldn't really arrive at an answer. We were thinking of the scale being 1 to 10 with a marathon at 5 and 100 miler at 10.  Of course we are all training for a marathon at the time so our scale is going to be normed on our own experience.

We all have our limits where we either get bored with something, uninterested, just plan not having fun anymore, etc.  Even Forrest Gump decided to just quit running one day.  He went on supposedly a run across the country (maybe even a few times back and forth) and then one day, that was it.  He just was done.

I've been reading a few books about those who did some extreme trail hikes (PCT, AT) and when they reached the point of quitting.  Some never do, and they complete it in whole.  Others stop a few times, take some days here and there, leave the trail, pick it back up a little ways up (or maybe a few states up).  Granted, they all stopped to camp and they are mostly hiking.  I know people who have run 50, 100 miles in one race.  They really want to do it and do a great job.  They keep their spirit up somehow and don't want to quit.  It is for them, and they know they feel like this is where they belong. 

There are also 12 and 24 hour races.  Not just a few, but a lot of them.  Triathlons, Half Ironmans, Ironmans.  Doing 7 triathlons on 7 different Hawaiian islands on 7 consecutive days (just read a book about the attempt). There are so many options of what you can do if you want to do that.

Once you reach a monumental goal like that, what is next? If you run 50 or 100 miles, do you need to keep topping your next thing?  Where does it end for each runner? 

I have come to the conclusion that this is a personal thing . Some people are done with a 5k.  Or a 10k or half marathon or marathon or 50k... or one of the longer ones (50 miles, 100 miles). 

What if you don't know what your limit is?

I've also been reading accounts of how repeatedly running a lot of miles in a week isn't actually good for you.  There's been talk of a reasonable upper limit being 20-25 miles a week.  After that, the benefit declines and you can be doing more harm.  Really the same with any extreme cardio.

So what do you decide in the end?  Everyone is going to be different in what they decide.

The more important thing is feeling good about what you've decided and try to not keep one-upping yourself.  Try to not compare to others who maybe have a more or less ambitious goal and just accept that we are all different in what we think we should achieve or want to achieve.

That's probably the hardest thing of all.  Seeing other people doing it and saying, "That's ok, I'm going to pass on that distance.  I think I've reached my limit and I'm going to focus on shorter distances (for me, my norms)."

Glass City Story

I realized I never really posted on this experience.

Marathon recap... Long... Glass City - great race support, shirt, glass mug and biggest medal I've ever received. If my personal circumstances were better I would have loved it even more... 

Not even sure how to talk about this adventure. First it is supposed to snow, then the rain snow mix. It was still drizzling when I got there so I was wearing a ratty sweatshirt cut down the middle that my dad gave me as a throwaway over my layered outfit. I didn't think I'd need it but I did. I put a poncho over it and waited at the start. 

Starting out, I turned on my watch with intervals set and was ready to go. 10 min run, 1.5 min fast walk. Started out fine except for the fact that my supposedly fully charged watch was at 50%. No idea how this happened, it was at 100% when I put it in my bag. I'm thinking "ok so what's the plan when watch dies since it's inevitable." I'm cursing myself for not even turning on my watch that morning and then not even charging it in the 45 min drive in the car which I could have done if I had checked it. 

Ok, so backup plan forming as I stand in corral, when watch dies do intervals at mile markers. 150 steps is about a minute and a half so this should work out ok. Things are going really well and I have a strong start that I'm proud of, until I have to take a break to use the restroom. I wanted to earlier but all lines were way too long for restrooms so I kept going since they were plentiful. I was trying to wait until the half people left us about 9 miles in but couldn't. 

That ate up a little of my time. Oh well. I get going but due to the drizzle I'm getting an uncomfortable clothing situation and luckily find some help around 8 miles in. Ok a little more time gone and now I accidentally turned off my watch. Great. Or it died. 

I turn it back on but thank God it saved where I was. So I know I am a few minutes off as far as timing. At this point it keeps telling me low battery. I keep backup plan in my head. I start to feel nauseated every time I attempt to run at a somewhat fast speed. This sucks. Damn. Ok. 

I dial it back some, ignoring my intervals. I keep feeling like this and resort to a lot of walking. I'm about 16 miles in. It crosses my mind, 6 hours is the cutoff. I crossed half at about 2:10-2:15. My plan had been even splits but considering my current situation what would it take me to do 10 miles if I had to walk? 15-16 mm minimum. Faster if I can. So 160 minutes worse case. So add 2 hr 40 min to my current placement and would I make it? I think so. Or I could just stop now. I do feel kind of bad physically. I promised my mom I wouldn't be an idiot. But the fam is tracking me and sending me little race joy cheers. So I have to finish. Ok so new plan is just keep going for now attempting to run every so often and test nausea feeling. Keep walking fast, just finish. 

At this point I was tired of my book on tape and growing angry at the narrators voice so I took out my headphones. Talked to some other runners about the shirt I was wearing which was a Toledo area race. Went through random neighborhood and then the sunny road that went on forever. I saw the cheerleader lady who was my saving grace along the course. I told her that was the worst part (17-19) and thanked her for being there. She continued to pop up at different spots on the course and I was so grateful for her. 

Got back into the park and realized I was closing in on mile 20. A guy kept grunting and singing and passing me, then I passed him, leapfrog situation. I was at first startled by his random singing of heavy metal blaring from headphones. His grunting was getting distracting so I put back on music not my book on tape. I probably needed music to finish. It really helped. By the last 3 miles most of the bad nausea feeling was gone and I resumed my normal pace. 

I kept seeing the stadium, going in circles around it, wondering where is the damn finish. I thought my finish time would have been far slower but I realize now running the first 15ish decently totally saved me. It was my second fastest out of 4 marathons. And I felt so much better the last 3 miles. I still have no idea what plagued me and made me feel nauseated as I've never had that happen before. But I'll always listen to what my body tells me. And It's true that the voice in your head telling you to quit is a liar. Usually. Unless you really feel dizzy. The hard part is doing battle with it and knowing your limits.

Also I saw this great race sign just when I needed it "Smile if you're a badass" of course I smiled (really just to remind myself) and the person holding the sign cheered me on.

Looking back, I know I've come a long way. Never did I think I would be capable of doing this for the 4th time at almost 40 years old. I didn't even start running seriously until about age 33. I had resigned myself to feeling down and being inactive after having a small child, until I realized I didn't have to be that way. You can always change your direction.

Reflecting on goals and acheivements

I've been away for a year largely because I didn't have anything interesting to say.  Or I think maybe I didn't.  But turns out a lot can happen in almost a year.

I was able to complete some races in the last year and started to get into trail running.  But one thing I'm realizing is that I've reached a distance limit.  Tried a 50k last week on trails and realized it wasn't my thing to run on a 70% mud course for over 6 hours so I dropped out at 22.84 miles (3 loops of 4).

It was hard for me to say but there is some terrain I just don't feel good about.  Mud is one of them.  Ankle deep mud where you start to slip and twist your ankles, legs, etc. is where I have trouble.  Completed a trail half marathon on a course with some mud and that was ok to an extent.  Probably because it wasn't more than maybe 40% of the course and the distance was far shorter.  I feel like a lot of trail runners will run on anything and they like it.  But not me.  I like a little bit of trail-ness but not extreme mud and impassable snow/ice.  Maybe other stuff too but that's mainly it.

I also realized it's ok for me to drop out of things where the conditions are awful and I'm just not enjoying the experience anymore.  Nothing will make me like those conditions no matter wanting myself to like it.

Struggled a little with my 4th time doing a road 26.2  Realized maybe that is my last one potentially.  But then I signed up for the 50k and a 5th marathon.  The 50k didn't go as planned (see above) but the marathon is on the radar for fall.  I'm looking forward to it because I've already done this one 3 times and have nothing to prove now.  I hope to run it with friends and take my time, do intervals, listen to a book maybe, all that stuff.  Just finish it and go out on that note in case that's my last one.

I'm thinking maybe shorter trail distances and road races less than 20 will be my thing after this.  Maybe try some new locations, explore a little within the state.

I have been reading a number of articles people wrote about why they don't want to do long races or marathons or trail races that are seriously long (ultra-marathons for example).

Some points I noted while reading other people's perspectives...

Thoughts on DNF: 

All that western society tells us is that "you should finish what you started", and that quitting when you feel bad is not good for "mental toughness".  That being said, I have purposely not started a race I didn't feel good about at other times in the past.  I don't make this a precedent and I do make up the few races I've skipped.  Only can recall 2 times I outright skipped something (one the location was moved somewhere that wasn't logistically reasonable for me and the other time there were thunderstorms coming and the race was still on but I wasn't comfortable with that idea).

On the other hand: 

I run for fun. Why be miserable just to say I finished an ultra?

Why risk injuring myself and possibly not being able to run for while because I choose running up and down inclines in ankle deep mud?  Maybe it was just this race I didn't love, and it was ok to DNF for self-preservation.

Another truth was that almost everyone was walking toward the end.  That was frustrating because I pretty much had to walk in order to even stay on my feet in the mud.  Why not just be a long distance hiker if I'm going to do these distances walking most of it?  I expected to walk a little but not all of it. Walking is acceptable if that is the expectation, that's not what I'm saying.  But it wasn't for me at this time.  And that is what made it feel arbitrary.  How is doing 3 loops different than 4 or 5 or 6 or 100?

Did I actually care about this, or did I just want to say I did it? Truth was that I felt pretty much like I should rest after the marathon. What was the point of completing multiple loops of an arbitrary distance just to do it?

Giving up on something you committed to do isn't an easy thing.  It feels like failure, but you really learn through these times that sometimes the cost of achieving said thing just isn't worth doing.  It's fine to start something thinking it's a good idea and then realizing it is not for you. Maybe it takes more effort than you thought, or maybe you didn't get what you were hoping for out of the experience.  Before you start it, you really are just guessing if you'll like it.  Trying isn't horrible.  DNS (did not start) means you didn't start which is different than DNF.  Some things are worth seeing how you feel about it even if they are hard.

Another point to consider - Being active is good, but that doesn't mean going to an extreme level is necessary.

I read something else from another person.  They were mentioning something about a DNA study showing he/she was a slow sprinter and have a certain VO2 max that leads to them burning through energy fast, as a result he/she got worse with distance  They mentioned that long distances just were even harder for them because they weren't built for it.  That is something to think about.

Another person brought up that honoring my body/my rights to quit is more important than forcing something you aren't sure about.  What is that teaching you?  Not mental toughness but to ignore your inner voice.  Deny your thoughts and push them away, not being kind or gentle with yourself.  If running for fun is your goal and you're forcing it, that is not fun. Something to consider for sure.

As far as shorter distances, I like to feel more energized after running, not less, and if it feels like a grind it is.  Sometimes I want to have a long run and other times I don't.  It's ok to follow a plan for a goal race, and I should.  But being a little bit flexible is ok too.

Bottom line is, maybe 50k isn't for me for now.  Especially if it's a looping course that feels bad and monotonous.  Especially if you end up walking almost all of it due to not feeling in control on mud.  Maybe just do what you like.  Figure out what that actually is.

A summer to relax (in some ways)

Just wrapped up August with a PR in the quarter marathon.  I had been trying to break 1 hour as my "ambitious" goal and beat my time from 4 years ago as a "doable" go.  I was able to get both of these goals which surprised me.  It had been hot that day as well as humid.  I pushed myself pretty hard, found out I was in zone 5 heart rate about 44% of the race!  But the more I looked into that, I feel it was because I ran about a 9 minute pace for 6.5 miles in hot and humid weather.  This has given me some hope that I can continue to improve.

I'm going to start doing some more trail running in September.  I have a race coming up that is partly on trails and partly road.  But most of it is pretty hilly terrain (it is a 20k).

Then in October, I'm going to try to run a fast half marathon again.  Not sure how I will do, but I'm hoping better than I have in the past.  November, I will get to do a race I've wanted to do for a while (half marathon close to where I grew up).  I'm also doing a Thanksgiving race later in the month, and a few other random 5ks scattered throughout the fall.  I'm trying to take it easier right now as I anticipate something a bit longer for 2019.  Will get into that at a later time, depending on what I decide.

The summer has been pretty good.  I tried to get 100 miles each month.  I did fail in July because we went on vacation and ended up walking 60+ miles that week at Disney.  So I really wasn't feeling running every morning of that week in addition to the walking.  So I got 80 miles for July.  August should close out at 100 and June was 100.  I did a family race and a 5k in June, another 5k in July, and one that got rained out in August (I did complete 2.5 miles of it though).  I also ran a mile race in early August (placed 1st in my age group, but there were only a few of us).  I was proud of my new mile record of 8:10.8.  I say 8:10.8 because my previous record was actually 8:11 so that extra two-tenths matters.  I'd really like to get a sub 8 mile time but might need to wait for cooler weather to try for this.

I've also been running a lot slower for long runs to work on keeping my heart rate in optimal zones more often.  That's about it for now.  It's been a nice break with few goals.

6 year runniversary

So it's been 6 years since I decided to start the couch to 5k program.  June 12, 2012. First workout. 30 seconds running. 1 minute walking. And repeat many times over for 30 minutes total. Wow, that sounded hard at that place in my life. I had done workout dvds but never anything sustained like this. Signed up for first 5k ... August of 2012. So I had to do the training.

Little did I know I'd really like this thing and be contemplating which 50k might be a good one for my first 6 years later. Still in the process of answering that question...

I found a great article written by another runner: http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/on-the-run/Happy-Runniversary-to-me.html

Basically we are never experts. There is always a new goal. It's still pretty exciting to think about where I'm going next.

So in this time I've run likely 60+ races. Some were great and others where I struggled. I've purchased many pairs of shoes, burning through each in approximately 300-400 miles.  Met a lot of running friends who inspired me in their own way. Maybe I helped them in some way too.

I've learned about pacing. I've learned about heart rate training. I've learned about how road and trail races are way not the same.

But I want to see how I feel running an ultra. I want to see if challenging terrain might be a new step I'll enjoy.

So 6 years has been good so far. I'm hoping to have many years ahead of me running whatever feels right.

What I've done since February until now (almost June)

Well I've been busy.

I'll have to look back at my training calendar to actually remember all of it.  I've gotten very lax in posting. 

February after my PR at the winter half I finished out my training for the marathon in April.  I completed my training without much of a problem.  I ran my 20 miler for a virtual race/charity for National Down Syndrome Society supporting a friend of mine.  I wanted to make it a meaningful run.  My 20 miler is usually meaningful because it is a lot of miles, but I wanted to make it more than that for this training cycle. 

For a while training for the marathon went on as normal.  I felt great.  Taper was great. Then something weird happened.  Leading up to my third marathon I felt unsure about wanting to do it.  I ended up doing it on my own not the day of the marathon I signed up for.  Somewhat long story behind that involving thunderstorms and an existential crisis. 

So I'll go with the shorter version.  The week leading up to the race, others were talking about the possibility of rain.  I become annoyed when the weather is discussed because it starts that fear feeling about the worst possible weather. As the race got closer, it became more evident that we would likely have a downpour and/or lightning the day of the race.  I started to get really angry that I had trained for months for the day of the race to get here and it to be a dangerous situation like this.  I had previously run a race last spring as you might remember (if you've been reading this for a while) that resulted in a black flag situation, lightning and mass chaos.  I didn't want that again.  I didn't want to run 26.2 miles in that.  After much changing my mind and being wishy washy, I asked for a sign about 3am day of the race that I shouldn't do it.  I don't know if I actually believe in signs.  I probably just wanted confirmation of my already made decision.  But the lightning, loud thunder and downpour immediately following that question in my mind answered it for me. 

I would find absolutely zero joy in running in rain and thunderstorms for 26.2 miles.  I had no desire to be stranded on a bike path which is where the race was held with virtually nowhere to go if this happened and the race was cancelled.  So I said no.  And I was mad at myself.  But I had to say no because my heart wasn't in it.

Instead of going into my complicated thoughts I had that day... about why I run and if I even care about doing this distance again, to why I was here on Earth, and other 3am thoughts...  I will just say it was the right choice for me.

You see, running this distance, even if you've already done it 2 times before is still quite daunting.  And it's even more daunting thinking about horrible weather and being stranded in lightning on a bike path 13-ish miles out in the middle of it all.

On April 20 about 5 days later I decided to run from my house to a few cities nearby and making the distance 26.2 so that I could claim I had run a 3rd marathon.  And so I did.  And it was amazing.  Weather was perfect, I had very little doubt in my mind and it was exactly what I needed.  I had a weird calm that day and executed my plan perfectly.  I had little or no wall until about mile 23. Then it was the smallest wall ever.  Like a child's wall made up of building blocks that you just push over.  My pace slowed but that was it.  Probably because I was running home.  I knew there was all kinds of food at my house. A friend was even kind enough to come out with me on her bike and follow me for 4-5 hours on her bike.  She was absolutely incredible to do this for me.  She even brought me water and snacks.  This is why I love other runners, we will do the most amazing stuff to support each other. 

And this is another reason why I need to volunteer at more races.  Because other people are there for me, I need to try harder to be there for them.

Following this little adventure, I was set to run the 5k in my city's spring series of races again.  Usually I would opt for the half marathon, but after doing the marathon and knowing this was coming up again I thought 5k was a good choice.  I ended up doing better than expected.  Seems that running a lot of miles for weeks somehow helps you run faster.  Whatever the reason, I was pretty excited for this and really enjoyed the time with my out of town friends and the party afterward. 

Next was a trail race. I would be doing a 12k in the hills of Athens, Ohio.  I have been wanting to go back to the trails for a while.  This was the perfect choice, as the day turned out to be very hot.  I probably could have handled the 25k but the 12k was maybe mentally better for me.  I ended up falling and hitting my head during the race. You really have to watch your footing on these trail runs.  I know what happened, I started to daydream and lost my focus.  I can even remember my exact train of thought when I fell.  I thought I saw the elusive Thunderbunny that the trail was named after.  I started to think about whether there was actually a Thunderbunny or not, and if so what this bunny would look like.  Then I placed my foot just the wrong way on the trail, tripping forward and downhill against a rock, root, or who knows what.  There was the knowledge of eating dirt, followed by checking if anything had actually been damaged except for my pride. I wasn't bleeding somehow, no teeth missing, just some dirt. My body instinctively rolled up in an odd way to protect myself. So I got up and kept going. A group of runners just ahead of me had heard me fall, and gave me a baby wipe.  I figured if I didn't see stars or feel that bad, might as well keep going.  Finished it up and then took it a little easy the rest of the day.  I did stop at a few scenic place on the way home that I couldn't resist. I enjoyed it a lot and will be back to that trail, but maybe not running it.  I definitely found the area interesting.  I also love how welcoming trail runners are.  They will help you if you fall and generally are great people.  Not that road racers are bad people.  They are also generally very kind.  But road racing is so much more competitive.  And no one usually falls.

Following this race I had a few weeks break until a very hilly and tough half marathon that I did with a family member.  It was her first half and I wanted to be there for her.  She did really great and I was proud of her.  I did this race a few years back (May 2016) and it was good to share the love (or do I mean the pain) of this tough course with someone else. It was extremely hot again (as is usually the case for this race) and the hills are never very forgiving to one's body.  This time there were no locusts on the path falling from trees.  But there was roadkill.  But also great spectators and a very friendly city.

So that brings me to now.  Summer is here and I have no actual goals.  I still want to see if I can do better on my half marathon time which will require some more speed training.  I also want to continue training in heart rate zone 2 which has helped me make some speed gains.  I have already signed up for a few more races but not planning a marathon or longer for a while.  I'm not saying never again because I know I can never promise myself that.  And I want to get more trail running in.  Because it is a totally different experience that connects you with a natural environment.  I love running in cities but also on trails.  Maybe I need both.

My Garmin said I had 1:59:43 so it counts...

My last half marathon I had to pretty much abandon any thought of getting a PR.  The ice and cold temperatures pretty much put an end to that.  But that didn't mean I couldn't try to do better on my next attempt. 

In between these two half marathons I had a chance to run a local sports team themed 5k that finished in the hockey arena.  I hadn't really known what I would feel like doing at this one.  But the course was short last year, so I planned on seeing if I could get close to what I got last year.  I didn't count my time as a PR when it was only 2.88 but it was one of my best runs from last year.  So this year I heard post race that they had corrected the course to make it a true 5k.  Not knowing that before the race, I looked at my time, was pleased but just thought "oh it's a short course so it's not technically a PR".  But after I heard they corrected the race distance, I decided to count it as a new 5k PR.  I started thinking that I really hadn't felt that horrible during this shorter race and that maybe I could try once again to do better at my half coming up.

I've been not doing a whole lot of speedwork lately as I've been training for the marathon.  This means I've been running about an 11mm pace.  Which feels good to me.  It just amounts to "time on my feet" which is really an important thing for marathon training.  So I kind of just skipped over speedwork even thought technically it is on my plan. (Luckily I don't have a coach so I won't get shamed from anyone for this).  I just don't want to do it when it's snowing or on the treadmill.  It feels unsafe.  Yeah, that's my excuse. So, I have been doing the heart rate training approach on and off for a while.  I look at how long I was actually able to stay in HR zone 2 and see what my pace was for being in that zone.  It's never that impressive but as I saw it improving, I felt like something was happening.  Other had told me about this approach "slow down during your long runs if you want to improve" which seems counterproductive but actually works.  I know I talked about this before.  So anyway, the point is, I didn't really do any speedwork.  I didn't know how ready I would even be to try to run this thing fast.  All I knew was I held a good pace for the last 5k and that was good enough for me.  This was a super relaxed race.  There was very little buzz about it.  I told no one what I was doing.  I even reserved the right to change my mind at the last minute.

The day of the half marathon it was chilly (35-40) but not really cold.  It was one of those days I had a hard time picking out what to wear.  I didn't want to get too hot but I also didn't want to freeze at the start.  After that was done, I thought about the fact that this course was a 1 mile loop. That means don't bring water, don't bring a belt unless I have to store something.  And maybe I should avoid having to store anything because it's just extra weight.  Found a place in a windbreaker vest that I could put a few gu packets and my key.

Got to the race early, took the usual picture with my running group, headed to the start.  Chatted with another runner who was hoping for a good outcome.  She provided some encouragement.  I just didn't say too much about a goal.  I didn't really know what I wanted to do.  I always knew it was possible to work on running 9 minute miles for this but wasn't sure if this was the time to try.  Mainly just didn't want to get inside my head with all that anxiety and stuff.

Got started out and felt pleasantly fine running a faster pace.  Somehow I was able to keep this pace for over half the run.  Around mile 7-8 it started to get really hard.  It was more just thinking about the fact that I was running faster than usual.  I knew I probably should look at my watch just to make sure I was still good on pace, but every time I did I had that feeling that I wouldn't be able to keep this pace up.  Around that time I was thinking "I actually feel ok, this is ok." but then I started to think "Listen, you're only about half way.  Anything can happen.  Don't do what you did last time and just lose it at the end." 

There were some other things said to myself at the time but mostly just cursing the fact that this was hard and various negativity.  I already knew that would happen so I tried to go to my happy place. I tried to look at what other people were wearing, others' ideas for running accessories, who was cheering us on, different stuff I saw.. thoughts about world peace, etc.  I say this in jest, but I've had some random things pop into my head while running and then I get fixated on it for a while. Maybe just how a word is pronounced, the origins of the word, etc.  Or other randomness.  I saw a few people I knew, said hi and hoped they didn't think I was rude because I'm sure my face was dead serious. The last time I really put a good effort into this I had my previous PR about a year ago.  I had about 2:06 and what happened was I started really fast and then ended with a disappointing finish.  A friend of mine tried to help me, but I was tapped out by that point.

I know you're not really "supposed" to bank time.  I've heard this so many times.  But yet I still did this strategy for this race.  If there was one thing I would work on for the future, it is this.  Maybe I'd work on keeping a steady 9mm instead of doing this: 8:48, 8:43, 8:49, 8:53, 9:00, 9:10, 8:58, 9:25, 9:19, 9:35, 9:34, 9:31, 9:03, 9:07 (last fraction of a mile). If you add that all up it was 13.44 miles and 2:02:45.  However, my Garmin told me that when I reached the half marathon point, I was at 1:59:43  So I'm counting it as a sub 2 hour.  But I definitely think I can try again and hopefully do better. Maybe get more of a "legit" sub 2.  That's why I titled it this way.  In Garmin we trust.

Looking at my splits, it's pretty clear that the banking time strategy could be risky. A friend of mine once said "Just get the pace and hope you can hang on" meaning in a way it didn't matter how I did it as long as I finished well overall.  Another friend told me to start at 9:30 and try to gradually get faster.  The only problem I can see with this is the following: this is not how my body seems to want to work.  As soon as I settle into 9:30 that is kind of what I have made up my mind to do.  It's almost like I can't get faster once I set that pace.  Negative splitting has not been easy for me lately.  I used to do really well with it, back in my early running.  I'm not sure what happened.  You'd think if you were running for about 6 years you would get better with your racing strategy but that is clearly not the case!

Looking at my splits above, I appear to have kind of hit a mini wall at miles 8-11.  Maybe that was the "you probably can't do this so maybe just slow down" thoughts in my head at the time. Always angel vs devil language.  Then I had these thoughts about "but what if you could!" and "just try because whatever you get, it has to be a PR".  Luckily, there were a lot of fast people running this race, so I just tried to keep up with them when I found a person who was a pretty good (unintentional) pacer for me. Especially at the end, there is this one runner, if I ever saw her again I'd thank her for setting a good pace.  

So what's next is just to continue training for this spring marathon which will be marathon #3 for me.  I still want to do it and I am going to aim a little higher than I thought I could accomplish.  Just a few more super long runs and I should be where I need to be training wise.  I'm a little bummed that all it wants to do is rain this week after we got a break from super cold and/or snow/ice but I guess you can't predict the weather.  I have enjoyed not sweating to death or wanting to go lay down in someone's yard with the sprinklers on since I've been training in the winter.  Last time I had an 19 mile run I remember having that thought.  It was 80 degrees and so many tempting yards to rest in. But jumping over crusty snow for 17 miles isn't exactly fun either.  After hearing about the predicted downpour this weekend I'm not sure how I feel.  But somehow it will work out.  It's all about just time on my feet.