My own thoughts about having to keep moving the goal post

I've been thinking about the extremes that we go through in running.

I'm was having a conversation with some friends trying to figure out "what is really crazy, what is too much?" and couldn't really arrive at an answer. We were thinking of the scale being 1 to 10 with a marathon at 5 and 100 miler at 10.  Of course we are all training for a marathon at the time so our scale is going to be normed on our own experience.

We all have our limits where we either get bored with something, uninterested, just plan not having fun anymore, etc.  Even Forrest Gump decided to just quit running one day.  He went on supposedly a run across the country (maybe even a few times back and forth) and then one day, that was it.  He just was done.

I've been reading a few books about those who did some extreme trail hikes (PCT, AT) and when they reached the point of quitting.  Some never do, and they complete it in whole.  Others stop a few times, take some days here and there, leave the trail, pick it back up a little ways up (or maybe a few states up).  Granted, they all stopped to camp and they are mostly hiking.  I know people who have run 50, 100 miles in one race.  They really want to do it and do a great job.  They keep their spirit up somehow and don't want to quit.  It is for them, and they know they feel like this is where they belong. 

There are also 12 and 24 hour races.  Not just a few, but a lot of them.  Triathlons, Half Ironmans, Ironmans.  Doing 7 triathlons on 7 different Hawaiian islands on 7 consecutive days (just read a book about the attempt). There are so many options of what you can do if you want to do that.

Once you reach a monumental goal like that, what is next? If you run 50 or 100 miles, do you need to keep topping your next thing?  Where does it end for each runner? 

I have come to the conclusion that this is a personal thing . Some people are done with a 5k.  Or a 10k or half marathon or marathon or 50k... or one of the longer ones (50 miles, 100 miles). 

What if you don't know what your limit is?

I've also been reading accounts of how repeatedly running a lot of miles in a week isn't actually good for you.  There's been talk of a reasonable upper limit being 20-25 miles a week.  After that, the benefit declines and you can be doing more harm.  Really the same with any extreme cardio.

So what do you decide in the end?  Everyone is going to be different in what they decide.

The more important thing is feeling good about what you've decided and try to not keep one-upping yourself.  Try to not compare to others who maybe have a more or less ambitious goal and just accept that we are all different in what we think we should achieve or want to achieve.

That's probably the hardest thing of all.  Seeing other people doing it and saying, "That's ok, I'm going to pass on that distance.  I think I've reached my limit and I'm going to focus on shorter distances (for me, my norms)."

Glass City Story

I realized I never really posted on this experience.

Marathon recap... Long... Glass City - great race support, shirt, glass mug and biggest medal I've ever received. If my personal circumstances were better I would have loved it even more... 

Not even sure how to talk about this adventure. First it is supposed to snow, then the rain snow mix. It was still drizzling when I got there so I was wearing a ratty sweatshirt cut down the middle that my dad gave me as a throwaway over my layered outfit. I didn't think I'd need it but I did. I put a poncho over it and waited at the start. 

Starting out, I turned on my watch with intervals set and was ready to go. 10 min run, 1.5 min fast walk. Started out fine except for the fact that my supposedly fully charged watch was at 50%. No idea how this happened, it was at 100% when I put it in my bag. I'm thinking "ok so what's the plan when watch dies since it's inevitable." I'm cursing myself for not even turning on my watch that morning and then not even charging it in the 45 min drive in the car which I could have done if I had checked it. 

Ok, so backup plan forming as I stand in corral, when watch dies do intervals at mile markers. 150 steps is about a minute and a half so this should work out ok. Things are going really well and I have a strong start that I'm proud of, until I have to take a break to use the restroom. I wanted to earlier but all lines were way too long for restrooms so I kept going since they were plentiful. I was trying to wait until the half people left us about 9 miles in but couldn't. 

That ate up a little of my time. Oh well. I get going but due to the drizzle I'm getting an uncomfortable clothing situation and luckily find some help around 8 miles in. Ok a little more time gone and now I accidentally turned off my watch. Great. Or it died. 

I turn it back on but thank God it saved where I was. So I know I am a few minutes off as far as timing. At this point it keeps telling me low battery. I keep backup plan in my head. I start to feel nauseated every time I attempt to run at a somewhat fast speed. This sucks. Damn. Ok. 

I dial it back some, ignoring my intervals. I keep feeling like this and resort to a lot of walking. I'm about 16 miles in. It crosses my mind, 6 hours is the cutoff. I crossed half at about 2:10-2:15. My plan had been even splits but considering my current situation what would it take me to do 10 miles if I had to walk? 15-16 mm minimum. Faster if I can. So 160 minutes worse case. So add 2 hr 40 min to my current placement and would I make it? I think so. Or I could just stop now. I do feel kind of bad physically. I promised my mom I wouldn't be an idiot. But the fam is tracking me and sending me little race joy cheers. So I have to finish. Ok so new plan is just keep going for now attempting to run every so often and test nausea feeling. Keep walking fast, just finish. 

At this point I was tired of my book on tape and growing angry at the narrators voice so I took out my headphones. Talked to some other runners about the shirt I was wearing which was a Toledo area race. Went through random neighborhood and then the sunny road that went on forever. I saw the cheerleader lady who was my saving grace along the course. I told her that was the worst part (17-19) and thanked her for being there. She continued to pop up at different spots on the course and I was so grateful for her. 

Got back into the park and realized I was closing in on mile 20. A guy kept grunting and singing and passing me, then I passed him, leapfrog situation. I was at first startled by his random singing of heavy metal blaring from headphones. His grunting was getting distracting so I put back on music not my book on tape. I probably needed music to finish. It really helped. By the last 3 miles most of the bad nausea feeling was gone and I resumed my normal pace. 

I kept seeing the stadium, going in circles around it, wondering where is the damn finish. I thought my finish time would have been far slower but I realize now running the first 15ish decently totally saved me. It was my second fastest out of 4 marathons. And I felt so much better the last 3 miles. I still have no idea what plagued me and made me feel nauseated as I've never had that happen before. But I'll always listen to what my body tells me. And It's true that the voice in your head telling you to quit is a liar. Usually. Unless you really feel dizzy. The hard part is doing battle with it and knowing your limits.

Also I saw this great race sign just when I needed it "Smile if you're a badass" of course I smiled (really just to remind myself) and the person holding the sign cheered me on.

Looking back, I know I've come a long way. Never did I think I would be capable of doing this for the 4th time at almost 40 years old. I didn't even start running seriously until about age 33. I had resigned myself to feeling down and being inactive after having a small child, until I realized I didn't have to be that way. You can always change your direction.

Reflecting on goals and acheivements

I've been away for a year largely because I didn't have anything interesting to say.  Or I think maybe I didn't.  But turns out a lot can happen in almost a year.

I was able to complete some races in the last year and started to get into trail running.  But one thing I'm realizing is that I've reached a distance limit.  Tried a 50k last week on trails and realized it wasn't my thing to run on a 70% mud course for over 6 hours so I dropped out at 22.84 miles (3 loops of 4).

It was hard for me to say but there is some terrain I just don't feel good about.  Mud is one of them.  Ankle deep mud where you start to slip and twist your ankles, legs, etc. is where I have trouble.  Completed a trail half marathon on a course with some mud and that was ok to an extent.  Probably because it wasn't more than maybe 40% of the course and the distance was far shorter.  I feel like a lot of trail runners will run on anything and they like it.  But not me.  I like a little bit of trail-ness but not extreme mud and impassable snow/ice.  Maybe other stuff too but that's mainly it.

I also realized it's ok for me to drop out of things where the conditions are awful and I'm just not enjoying the experience anymore.  Nothing will make me like those conditions no matter wanting myself to like it.

Struggled a little with my 4th time doing a road 26.2  Realized maybe that is my last one potentially.  But then I signed up for the 50k and a 5th marathon.  The 50k didn't go as planned (see above) but the marathon is on the radar for fall.  I'm looking forward to it because I've already done this one 3 times and have nothing to prove now.  I hope to run it with friends and take my time, do intervals, listen to a book maybe, all that stuff.  Just finish it and go out on that note in case that's my last one.

I'm thinking maybe shorter trail distances and road races less than 20 will be my thing after this.  Maybe try some new locations, explore a little within the state.

I have been reading a number of articles people wrote about why they don't want to do long races or marathons or trail races that are seriously long (ultra-marathons for example).

Some points I noted while reading other people's perspectives...

Thoughts on DNF: 

All that western society tells us is that "you should finish what you started", and that quitting when you feel bad is not good for "mental toughness".  That being said, I have purposely not started a race I didn't feel good about at other times in the past.  I don't make this a precedent and I do make up the few races I've skipped.  Only can recall 2 times I outright skipped something (one the location was moved somewhere that wasn't logistically reasonable for me and the other time there were thunderstorms coming and the race was still on but I wasn't comfortable with that idea).

On the other hand: 

I run for fun. Why be miserable just to say I finished an ultra?

Why risk injuring myself and possibly not being able to run for while because I choose running up and down inclines in ankle deep mud?  Maybe it was just this race I didn't love, and it was ok to DNF for self-preservation.

Another truth was that almost everyone was walking toward the end.  That was frustrating because I pretty much had to walk in order to even stay on my feet in the mud.  Why not just be a long distance hiker if I'm going to do these distances walking most of it?  I expected to walk a little but not all of it. Walking is acceptable if that is the expectation, that's not what I'm saying.  But it wasn't for me at this time.  And that is what made it feel arbitrary.  How is doing 3 loops different than 4 or 5 or 6 or 100?

Did I actually care about this, or did I just want to say I did it? Truth was that I felt pretty much like I should rest after the marathon. What was the point of completing multiple loops of an arbitrary distance just to do it?

Giving up on something you committed to do isn't an easy thing.  It feels like failure, but you really learn through these times that sometimes the cost of achieving said thing just isn't worth doing.  It's fine to start something thinking it's a good idea and then realizing it is not for you. Maybe it takes more effort than you thought, or maybe you didn't get what you were hoping for out of the experience.  Before you start it, you really are just guessing if you'll like it.  Trying isn't horrible.  DNS (did not start) means you didn't start which is different than DNF.  Some things are worth seeing how you feel about it even if they are hard.

Another point to consider - Being active is good, but that doesn't mean going to an extreme level is necessary.

I read something else from another person.  They were mentioning something about a DNA study showing he/she was a slow sprinter and have a certain VO2 max that leads to them burning through energy fast, as a result he/she got worse with distance  They mentioned that long distances just were even harder for them because they weren't built for it.  That is something to think about.

Another person brought up that honoring my body/my rights to quit is more important than forcing something you aren't sure about.  What is that teaching you?  Not mental toughness but to ignore your inner voice.  Deny your thoughts and push them away, not being kind or gentle with yourself.  If running for fun is your goal and you're forcing it, that is not fun. Something to consider for sure.

As far as shorter distances, I like to feel more energized after running, not less, and if it feels like a grind it is.  Sometimes I want to have a long run and other times I don't.  It's ok to follow a plan for a goal race, and I should.  But being a little bit flexible is ok too.

Bottom line is, maybe 50k isn't for me for now.  Especially if it's a looping course that feels bad and monotonous.  Especially if you end up walking almost all of it due to not feeling in control on mud.  Maybe just do what you like.  Figure out what that actually is.