I was able to complete some races in the last year and started to get into trail running. But one thing I'm realizing is that I've reached a distance limit. Tried a 50k last week on trails and realized it wasn't my thing to run on a 70% mud course for over 6 hours so I dropped out at 22.84 miles (3 loops of 4).
It was hard for me to say but there is some terrain I just don't feel good about. Mud is one of them. Ankle deep mud where you start to slip and twist your ankles, legs, etc. is where I have trouble. Completed a trail half marathon on a course with some mud and that was ok to an extent. Probably because it wasn't more than maybe 40% of the course and the distance was far shorter. I feel like a lot of trail runners will run on anything and they like it. But not me. I like a little bit of trail-ness but not extreme mud and impassable snow/ice. Maybe other stuff too but that's mainly it.
I also realized it's ok for me to drop out of things where the conditions are awful and I'm just not enjoying the experience anymore. Nothing will make me like those conditions no matter wanting myself to like it.
Struggled a little with my 4th time doing a road 26.2 Realized maybe that is my last one potentially. But then I signed up for the 50k and a 5th marathon. The 50k didn't go as planned (see above) but the marathon is on the radar for fall. I'm looking forward to it because I've already done this one 3 times and have nothing to prove now. I hope to run it with friends and take my time, do intervals, listen to a book maybe, all that stuff. Just finish it and go out on that note in case that's my last one.
I'm thinking maybe shorter trail distances and road races less than 20 will be my thing after this. Maybe try some new locations, explore a little within the state.
I have been reading a number of articles people wrote about why they don't want to do long races or marathons or trail races that are seriously long (ultra-marathons for example).
Some points I noted while reading other people's perspectives...
Thoughts on DNF:
All that western society tells us is that "you should finish what you started", and that quitting when you feel bad is not good for "mental toughness". That being said, I have purposely not started a race I didn't feel good about at other times in the past. I don't make this a precedent and I do make up the few races I've skipped. Only can recall 2 times I outright skipped something (one the location was moved somewhere that wasn't logistically reasonable for me and the other time there were thunderstorms coming and the race was still on but I wasn't comfortable with that idea).
On the other hand:
I run for fun. Why be miserable just to say I finished an ultra?
Why risk injuring myself and possibly not being able to run for while because I choose running up and down inclines in ankle deep mud? Maybe it was just this race I didn't love, and it was ok to DNF for self-preservation.
Another truth was that almost everyone was walking toward the end. That was frustrating because I pretty much had to walk in order to even stay on my feet in the mud. Why not just be a long distance hiker if I'm going to do these distances walking most of it? I expected to walk a little but not all of it. Walking is acceptable if that is the expectation, that's not what I'm saying. But it wasn't for me at this time. And that is what made it feel arbitrary. How is doing 3 loops different than 4 or 5 or 6 or 100?
Did I actually care about this, or did I just want to say I did it? Truth was that I felt pretty much like I should rest after the marathon. What was the point of completing multiple loops of an arbitrary distance just to do it?
Giving up on something you committed to do isn't an easy thing. It feels like failure, but you really learn through these times that sometimes the cost of achieving said thing just isn't worth doing. It's fine to start something thinking it's a good idea and then realizing it is not for you. Maybe it takes more effort than you thought, or maybe you didn't get what you were hoping for out of the experience. Before you start it, you really are just guessing if you'll like it. Trying isn't horrible. DNS (did not start) means you didn't start which is different than DNF. Some things are worth seeing how you feel about it even if they are hard.
Another point to consider - Being active is good, but that doesn't mean going to an extreme level is necessary.
I read something else from another person. They were mentioning something about a DNA study showing he/she was a slow sprinter and have a certain VO2 max that leads to them burning through energy fast, as a result he/she got worse with distance They mentioned that long distances just were even harder for them because they weren't built for it. That is something to think about.
Another person brought up that honoring my body/my rights to quit is more important than forcing something you aren't sure about. What is that teaching you? Not mental toughness but to ignore your inner voice. Deny your thoughts and push them away, not being kind or gentle with yourself. If running for fun is your goal and you're forcing it, that is not fun. Something to consider for sure.
As far as shorter distances, I like to feel more energized after running, not less, and if it feels like a grind it is. Sometimes I want to have a long run and other times I don't. It's ok to follow a plan for a goal race, and I should. But being a little bit flexible is ok too.
Bottom line is, maybe 50k isn't for me for now. Especially if it's a looping course that feels bad and monotonous. Especially if you end up walking almost all of it due to not feeling in control on mud. Maybe just do what you like. Figure out what that actually is.
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